Marauding in Scotland
by Canis Vimes
Summary: The Maruaders go on a school trip to Scotland. Humour. I've finally done chapter four! But it's not very good. Eep. I'm preparing myself for court scene. Ahem. Anyway.
1. Chapter one: Of Glowing sheep

Marauding in Scotland

Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own any of the characters within my story, nor the story Harry Potter. The copyright to these goes to JK Rowling, and her publishers. Baisically, it wasn't my idea. Blah blah, yes. 

"Moony, why don't you wear goggles like the more sensible wizards among us?" 

Remus Lupin turned his head slightly to the left to peer at his annoying friend, who, as it happened, was wearing the most absurd pair of goggles ever created. They were surrounded by a mass of green foam, and the lenses appeared to be a light shade of purple. The wearer, Sirius Black, straddled across his fast moving broom, grinned and waved, flashing a row of unbrushed teeth. They'd all been in a hurry that morning. Lupin hastily brought a fluffy-mittened hand to his own mouth and rubbed his teeth frantically. 

    That morning, now a grey afternoon, had been a very special morning.

    For, this was the morning of 'The Class Trip.' 

    Remus had never been on holiday before, and was slightly excited. The prospect at being _without parents didn't excite him, as hey, he went to boarding school anyway. No, it was just the holiday part of it that gave him a happy shiver. _

"Moony's crying, Moony's crying..." 

            He jerked his head irritably to the left, where his other friend sat upon his broom. James Potter was also grinning at him, goggleless. 

"I am _not crying! It's this stupid wind! My eyes…" He trailed off as he couldn't really see much anyway, and had decided he should probably concentrate on flying. His eyes were streaming as the wind blew into them. _

            They'd been planning this for ages. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were all students at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The notice had come out a few months ago, explaining that the school were considering taking the third years on a school trip, the first of its kind in years. 

            Sirius had stumbled blindly into the hall, muttering angrily about late nights and Slytherins.

"Bad night Padfoot?" James cooed. 

"Shut it, tubby."

James had looked panicked. "Am I fat?" He'd stared down at his skinny form worriedly. "I haven't had nearly as many Bertie Bott's beans as Moony…it must have been the chocolate frogs. But don't they have less calories?" The group had burst out laughing as James bit his lip anxiously, even Sirius smiled. 

"You're not fat, James," Peter had said smiling a little sadly. "I haven't eaten any sweets for a month while you've been gorging, and I haven't lost any weight." He sighed. "You're still a rake."

"A mop, I think Peter! Look at the hair!" Remus joked. Now it was James's turn to scowl while the rest sniggered. 

"I don't th-" James began. "Oh! Post guys!" 

They each looked up instinctively. A flock of owls swooped over head, one narrowly missing Peter's head with a large parcel. The flock was strangely large this time though…

"Hey! Is it just me, or has every third year just got a letter?" Remus observed as a letter was dropped in front of him with a Hogwarts emblem on the front. The same happened to all of the other third years around them.

An angry groan came from opposite him as an owl dropped Sirius's letter on his freshly buttered toast. 

            " 'We're pleased to inform all third years that they have been invited to attend a class trip, a holiday if you will, to Scotland in the summer. The trip has been in question for some years now, and has been approved by Albus Dumbledore. If you wish to attend, please…..etc.'"

            Then they each talked excitedly about how much fun they would have, which pranks to pull, and do you think the Slytherins would come? It had taken them a while to realise Lupin was silent, but eventually Peter saw the light.

"Moony?" 

"Mhm?"

"It's on at the full moon isn't it."

"Mhm."

            But they'd arranged around it. At the full moon Lupin was to be transported to the nearest village, where he'd remain for that one night. Now he was as cheerful and excited as the rest.

            A clear Scottish accent cut through his thoughts.

"We're going to land now! Everyone down to your right now, you'll see a small empty spot? Achiltiebuie." Professor McGonagall snapped.

There was a pause as the band of pupils began to slow and veer left, then drop slowly.  

"Oh!" Sirius exclaimed after a while. "That's the _place name. I thought she was clearing her throat," He muttered, dismounting form Hogwarts` own broom, a Cleansweep 7. He looked at it in disgust, before kicking it away. James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin did likewise._

"Right. What first? What do we do?" Peter questioned eagerly. 

"Peter," James began calmly, but Sirius interrupted. 

"_Sleep, Peter, for Christ's sake. It's getting dark, and I dunno about anybody else, but after a days flying I'm in major pain." _

Peter would've argued, but it seemed that McGonagall thought the same as Sirius. 

"Right, you can all STOP right there," The Professor yelled, as countless numbers of pupils attempted to sneak off in different directions. "We're getting the camp set up tonight. The activites tomorrow, if you PLEASE Mr Black." She barked, as Sirius started mounting his broom again. 

There was much mutinous grumblings and dark scowls at this, but she stood firm.

"Come on now, the lot of you!" Her eyes gleamed. "I want you all as a group effort, to transmorgify the nearest rock into your tents. It will be like homework." 

The last set of scowls was nothing compared to this one. James didn't bother to groan quietly, he let out a long moan of anguish. 

"I thought this was a holiday!" He raged. 

"Come on guys," Remus said trying to be helpful. "We've just got to find the nearest rock…" This statement, as they soon discovered, was not as simplistic as they'd hoped. 

            The landscape was pretty. They were on high ground, very near some cliffs that led down to the waters edge. There were very few trees. Moss, heather, sheep, grass and mountains just about summed it up. And where there were sheep there was always-

"Argh! Sheep sh-"

"Sirius!"

"Sh-"

"Sirius...I'm warning you, if Prof-"

"Damned sheep sh-"

Remus raised his voice above Sirius's cursing. "There _aren't any rocks. We'll have to try something else."_

            The rest of the pupils were now divided into their houses. They didn't _have to, they just did. The Slytherins went and separated from everyone else, standing alone in a huddle. The Hufflepuffs had sat down and were silent, each looking glumly around. The Ravenclaws were scavenging around for rocks, while the Gryffindors were talking animatedly. James shrugged._

"Grass?"

"No."

"Heather?"

"No."

"A sheep?"

"We haven't _done animal transformations yet Peter." Remus said patiently. _

"Sheep sh-" 

"Maybe _you want a tent made of that stuff Siruis, but I beg to differ."_

The group lapsed into thoughtful silence. All that could be heard was the scuffling of curious Ravenclaws and the roar of the wind and sea. Eventually-

"Sheep?"

"Uh huh. Best bet I think Prongs. Moony?"

"Sheep sounds best to me, after all you guys are experts at animal transformations." Remus grinned mischievously as the others glanced to make sure no-one was listening. 

"But how are we going to catch a sheep?" Peter asked evenly. 

Siruis stepped up. "Simple Wormtail, why a _summoning charm of course. Observe."_

"Accio, sheep!" 

The biggest mistake Sirius did was to close his eyes as he muttered the incantation. The second biggest was that sheep, can be plural or singular, and Sirius did not specify. About a dozen sheep came hurtling towards the marauders out of the darkening summer night.

"DUCK!"

"I said _sheep James. I'd- WHOAH!" _

It was an instant catastrophe. Or sheepastrophe, as it would be better described. The four friends were soon enveloped within a pile of angry sheep, who did not _like hurtling through the air._

"Argh! It bit me!!"

Peter managed to scramble out of the mass of bodies. The sight that met his eyes when he got up would've been extremely funny had it not been a little serious. 

            Lupin's legs were visible, waving madly in the air, giving the illusion that his legs were omitting from a sheep's behind. He saw a hand holding some glasses aloft protruding from the pile-up, and assumed that was James. Sirius's head was sticking out, his mouth open in a loud yell as a sheep bit his ear.

"PETER!!!"

Thinking hurriedly, Peter muttered the first spell that came into his head. 

"Lumos!" 

Remus said something indistinguishable from his position, though it sounded very rude. James gave a muffled yell. The sheep now glowed an attractive pink, but were still trampling his friends.

"Er…Wingardium Leviosa!" 

The glowing pink sheep rose slowly into the air, bleating furiously. Three very battered bodies emerged from underneath. Peter jumped and grabbed hold of the leg of one sheep, who bleated even more furiously and aimed a savage kick at his head. Remus's head was bruised, James had a black eye forming and Sirus's ear was bleeding nastily. Despite this, they latched hold of the sheep as well, and transmorgified it into a large tent. 

"Guys?" They looked up in time to see the pink blobs disappearing into the darkening night.

"Now that's the stuff nightmares are made of." Remus muttered distractedly as one of the sheep did an impressive barrel roll.            

 "Blankets, now. Any other bright ideas Prongs?" Sirius asked scathingly. 

"Fresh out, sorry." James sighed. He wasn't in the mood for bickering with his best friend right now.

"Er…GUYS." Peter coughed loudly. They turned to him.

"Being a muggle born, I…er…"

"You brought blankets, didn't you Peter?" Remus asked kindly. Peter nodded, blushing furiously. James slapped him on the back.

"Well done Wormtail! We can have a dry night after all!" This made Peter blush even more, but he rummaged in his huge rucksack and produced four blankets. Sirius stared.

"Four?"

"Spares, you know…I thought you guys might forget…" He mumbled. Sirius continued to stare until he was nudged hard in the ribs by James. The four of them climbed into the tent, and settled down to sleep. 

"Er…Moony?"

"Yes, Sirius?" Remus replied throught gritted teeth.

"Erm…you know, this tent has a woollen lining, Was that intentional?"

"No, Sirius." Remus ground his teeth hard.

Silence.

"Ahem. Moony?"

"Yes, Sirius?" Remus was having difficulty not blowing up. Even Sirius could've seen in the dark, he would have noticed Remus's vein throbbing against his head.

"Well…this tent…it glows…"

"Pink, Sirius."

"Yeah…intentional?"

"No, Sirius." Remus's jaw was going to drop off if he ground it any harder.

Silence.

"Moo-"

"WHAT Sirius?"

"Nothing."

Slowly but surely, the marauders fell asleep. Although, as Sirius was going to say if he hadn't been worried for his won health, the tent smelled quite strongly of sheep sh-

¨ 

Hullo! S'my first fic, so PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!


	2. Chapter Two: Of Slytherins

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, nor the idea. All this is copyrighted to JK Rowling, and her publishers. I'm just a loyal fan. Do I have to do one of these for every chapter? *sigh* The place Achiltiebuie doesn't belong to me either, as it DOES exist. It's a very tiny place on the west coast of Scotland. 

Notes: I changed my names, apparently there was already a Canis. Damn, I thought I was being original too ;) :D 

"Baaaaaaaa."

Now it was Sirius's turn to grind his teeth. It was cold, and his joints felt like they'd been injected with cement. 

Or maybe, he contemplated sleepily, it was orange juice. Orange juice would kinda slush a bit more though. Maybe-

            He groaned and rolled over, trying to ease the stiffness and block out the infernal bleating.

 "Baaaaaaa."

Sheep. Oh, how he hated sheep.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

It was right outside his tent. He was briefly comforted as he imagined himself wearing as sheepskin coat, gloating over the sheep, which was shivering out on a moonlit street. He could hear the violin music playing. He grinned happily. As if the sheep were aware of his minds workings, a chorus began.

"Baaaa."

"Baaa?"

"Baaaa."

He wriggled away from the side of the tent, where the sheep, he assumed, was standing outside.

"Baaa."

"SHUT UP!"

Peter sat bolt upright, Remus nearly jumped a foot in the air, while James snored, grunted, then rolled over. 

"Sirius!" Remus hissed. "What are you _doing? It's-"_

"Four o'clock in the morning Lupin, I'm perfectly aware of that. In fact, I've been aware of the time for over an hour. I've been _awake for over an hour."_

"What's wrong? I like to hear the birds wake me up with their merry music in the morning."

"Yes, but bloody birds is different. Some _sheep is bleating in my ear. Not to mention the sheep chorus. They're out to get me Rem, I know it."_

"Baaaaaaaa."

"I suddenly feel like a nice lamb chop."

"Sirius!"

 "OK, OK. Though I'm _definitely in favour of slaughter houses."_

"Sirius!"

"Alright, alright."

"But foot and mouth was kinda good."

"SIRIUS!"

James yawned, and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Why's the tent pink?" 

            Remus would've answered this very sharply indeed, but a slight distraction was caused when the tent lurched forwards suddenly.

"Baaaa."

"You know," Remus said slowly, "That sheep is awfully close."

"Yeah. If we had a gun…"

"Not you as well James!"

"Not a gun, James, a sword. We could-"

Lupin silenced him with a look.

"Shh!" Peter whispered. They all fell silent. A soft munching noise could be heard outside, and the tent jerked forward again. Wide eyed, they shot frantic eyebrow signals across the tent. 

'Slytherins!' This was James's instant suggestion, portrayed by arching his eyesbrows into an evil glare. 

'Sheep!' This was Sirius's contribution. Portrayed by crossing his eyes and chewing the cud.

'How could a sheep be dragging our tent forwards and eating?!' Lupin signalled. Or, thought he signalled. The others thought he was suggesting they go for a swim with a beaver wearing cheese, so after a moment of staring pointedly ignored him. The tent shuffled forward a little.

Shuffled?

            Slowly, James pulled the tent flap's zip down. They all sighed. No Slytherins, or sheep, could be seen. 

"We must just be paranoid."

"Baaaaa."

It suddenly dawned on them.

"We _were never very good at animal transformations."_

"We're…th-this…is…" Peter gasped.

"Yes, Peter. We're in a sheep. Well, half sheep. It's kinda gone wrong…James, take that knife away from Sirius. He's going to pierce the side of our living tent."

Sirius scowled, handing the knife over reluctantly. 

            Peter began to scramble out, the others thought this was a pretty good idea and also proceeded towards the opening, crawling on hands and knees. Peter scrambled out and stared at their tent, which was not only woolly and glowing, but one corner had some sort of mouth, which was eating the grass around it. 

"Weird…" Peter said with a confused expression, sat and stared until he was shoved out of the way by Remus.

"Move Peter!" James and Sirius tumbled out with grunts of pain as they forced their muscles to work. The head (or, rather, corner) of the sheep-tent looked up at them slowly. The four waited apprehensively. 

"Baaaa?" 

They gave a relieved sigh, especially Remus who was particularly glad he'd taken the knife from Sirius. The sheep continued to eat. 

"This is completely bizarre."

"Sirius?" James asked tentively. 

"What?"

"Don't look at your shoes-"

"My _shoes! You bizarre woolly headed amphibian! It's eating my shoes!"_

"It's not like you wear them anyway."

"Not the point!"

"And, it's a mammal, not an amphibian."

"Ah. I stand corrected."

************

The morning passed slowly. None of the marauders felt all too easy but returning into their tent now, that it was breathing, so they made a fire using magic to keep warm, and sat around it. 

            It was really very pretty, Peter mused as he looked up at the lightening sky. It was now a dark shade of blue, with a faint glow of orange from the east where the sun was rising. 

            He was interrupted by a cuff on the shoulder.

"What do you think Peter? I've run out of ideas."

"Er…"

"You weren't listening were you?" James accused. 

Remus smiled at him, then rolled his eyes. "We're..well, we're trying to think up of alliteration to the names of characters from The Lord of the Rings."

"You've read the Lord of the Rings? I thought only muggle borns…"

"No, I've read it too Peter. So's Sirius. It's just James, El Thicko here…" He was forced to stop talking as his head was gripped in a tight lock by James. Sirius continued. 

"Well, so far we've got Frodo Fork Fingers-"

"Gimli Grater Groin-" Remus interrupted, pushing James off.

"Aragoon Whisk Nose and Boaromeer Spatula Tongue!" James added excitedly. The others fell about laughing as he glared. 

"What?"

"Well," Sirius began as he held up a collapsing Lupin, "For a start James that's not alliteration."

"So? Stupid muggle studies. You only took them to beat me."

"And-" Lupin gasped, "It's Ara-AraGORN, James." He lapsed into a fit of giggles muttering 'Aragoon' under his breath. He tried vainly to correct the pronunciation of Boromir's name, but couldn't _really breathe._

"How about…" Peter thought, "Pippin… potato peeler…what's a body part beginning with 'P'?" 

The others sniggered. 

"What?" 

"How about pinky, Peter?" Remus said kindly. He nodded enthusiastically. 

The tent came up and bleated. 

"What? You've got plenty to eat. Go away, shoo!"

"I think it's thirsty." 

"Who gives a damn! We could have really fluffy sleeping bags, if you'd only-"

"You're not having the knife back Sirius."

"That's what you think."

Remus hoped he was bluffing, and checked his pocket for the knife. Still there. The sheep could live a while longer.

            The tent/sheep had managed to wrench free of it's pegs to which it had been attached to the ground. It made a strange whining nose and nuzzled Sirius, who was having difficulty resisting attacking it. But then, he thought logically, how do you kill a tent? 

"We're going to have to peg it down again you know," James said frowning. "We don't want a luminous sheep-tent roaming Scotland…I can see the muggle paper headlines now."

"Pink Sheep Roams Free."

"Wooly Horror Terrorizes Campsite."

"Luminous Beast Eats Shoes."

"Knife Found Imbedded in-"

"Sirius," Lupin warned. "You're not going to kill any sheep."

"I was going to say sheep sh-"

"That's enough."

            After a few more of these suggestions they decided they'd better peg it down. This was harder than they'd imagined. 

"Come here…nice tent…" Lupin smiled sweetly at the tent as he approached with a rope, that Peter had found along with half the other contents of the local B&Q. This was the third time, and his smile was getting rather strained. It actually looked a lot like a grimace. 

"NOW!"

The tent bleated in fear as the four jumped on top of it, armed with pegs and rope. They struggled to fix the pegs to the ground – the tent was putting up a very good fight. The tent bucked but they held on tight.

"What _are you doing?"_

Their insides turned to ice. Rolling over onto their backs they stared straight into the face of Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape, surrounded by their cronies.

"Shove off Malfoy," Sirius snarled. The tent gave a pathetic kick. Snape raised his eyebrows into a sneer.

"Really, at seven a 'clock in the morning and you're already doing something suspicious. Though I'm not sure what…perhaps I'd better fetch the professor?" His eyes gleamed. 

"We're…collapsing the tent." The others nodded fervently. 

"Oh really? Why are you all twitching at the same time?" The Marauders all gave an involuntary jump as the tent lashed out again. 

"Er… delayed reaction." 

"To?"

"You arriving."

"Now go away, we don't have time for single celled idiots at the moment." James hissed. The Slytherins growled as the atmosphere tensed. There was a fumbling for wands.

"What's going on here?" 

Professor McGonagall swept among them. Her eyes darted to the large group of Slytherins and the Gryffindors on the floor.

"Has there been a fight?" She asked icily. 

"No, miss." Remus piped up. "These fellows were just leaving." 

"Good. You know the consequences for any physical fighting, all of you? Good. Now hurry up and get ready. All of you!" She made to turn away.

"Baaaaaaaa!"

She turned back around, face white with anger. "_What did you say Mr Lupin?" _

"Er…Jaaaaaa. Practising German, miss," He gabbled. "Such a very interesting language, miss. It means-" 

"I know what it means, Lupin. That will be quite enough!"

"BAAAAA!"

"_I beg your pardon?!"_

            The Slytherins seemed to be having the time of their lives. They didn't know what was going on, but their worst enemies were digging a very deep hole, and that was good enough for them. 

"Er…" Sirius stumbled. "I said Haaaaaaa. German, hilarious language. Aheh he he…ha ha…" He began to sweat slightly and dropped his gaze, as Professor McGonagall's nostrils quivered. 

"BAAAAA!" This was accompanied by a very large buck from the sheep, which sent James flying straight on top of McGonagall. She toppled over with a shriek. 

"_Never, in ALL my time at Hogwarts, has ANY pupil ever dared-"_

He was desperate now. He weighed his choices. On one hand, if he remained silent he figured he would be sent home, head held high but in very deep trouble. On the other, he could humiliate himself and get off with a severe punishment.

He chose the latter.

"I said Faaaaaaar, professor, please," He went down on one knee as she got up, "Don't go faaaaar away from me! I'm scared, professor, of the..er…"

'Kelpies!' Siruis mouthed frantically. 'Kelpies!' 

James misread it, and blurted, "Chickens!" 

Sirius slapped his forehead. Peter groaned. Remus raised his eyes to heaven. 

"Chickens, Mr Potter?" He didn't dare look up, but could he detect a smile in the tone of her voice? 

'Kelpies,' Sirius mimed. 'Kelpies!'

"Er…crap."

Sirius stared. The smile on McGonagall's face vanished. 

"You dare to swear Potter? You're digging your own grave!"

"Crapped myself, that is, Miss, with fear…" The Slytherin's laughed. The other marauders tried desperately to suppress their own laughter.  

"Stop that!"

"What?"

"Saying the word!"

"What? Crap?" It slipped out. Now he was in for it. The end of the world had come. Armageddon. 

"You. Come. With. Me. _Now.__ All of you. Get up!"_

The marauders exchanged nervous glances. They couldn't get off the sheep...Lupin and Sirius sent eyebrow signals to James.

'Cause a distraction!' Sirius signalled. James nodded. He understood.

'Practise your fractions!' James stared blankly. What was that, a dying command? 

"Now, all of you, _get ready!" McGonagall barked. _

Sirius decided to take a risk. 

"For what, miss?" 

She smiled evilly, eyes glinting.  

"We're going fishing."                                                                                       

¨ 

¨ Yay! 2nd chapter up. I'm not sure about the overall style of this yet, I'm not sure if it should be a daft comedy, or a ground based comedy…let me know what you think. I'm SO pleased I got reviews! Please be critical!!!


	3. Chapter Three: Of Hooks and Noses

Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I own nothing! All rights go to JK Rowling or her publishers. 

"All of you pay attention!"

Professor McGonagall walked up and down the rows of pupils like a hungry shark, barking out comments at the weary students.

"Malfoy, straighten up!"

"Fawcett, you're wearing odd socks. Change them!"

"Evans, tie your laces!" 

"Lupin, brush your hair!" Remus's hair was doing a funny little flick style at the sides. He knew it couldn't be helped.  

"Yes sir!" Remus saluted. 

"What was that Lupin?" She fixed him with a steely gaze. 

"Nothing." She moved on. "Sir." He muttered.

 "Honestly, you're all third years now! I don't want to treat you like first years!" She continued. "Especially on holiday." She added as an after thought. "Today, we will be practising that delightful Scottish pastime, of fishing."

Groans. 

"That's enough of that. Anyone who doesn't like this can just fly home right now. Get BACK here Mr Black, I wasn't serious." Sirius grumbled and returned to the ranks, as he was considering them.

"Now I want each of you to collect a fishing rod," She waved her wand and 50 or so rods appeared lined out on the grass beside them. Everyone hurried to get a new one; some of them were falling apart. 

"JUST a moment!" The class froze.

"There is a catch." She chuckled under her breath. A catch! The class stared before laughing nervously. A few wondered briefly if she'd lost her mind. They inched forward some more.

"I told you to stop!" She regained control over herself. "You will all hand in your wands." She wiped a tear hurriedly from her eye. She cracked herself up at times…  

There was more scattered, nervous laughter. Surely the professor was just joking with them all? They inched forward a little more. 

"Stop that!" she ordered. "You're going to do this the muggle way. Now come on now, we haven't got all day." She said briskly. 

            They couldn't believe it. Forming a line in front of her, each pupil handed over his or her wand. Peter was the first in line and gave his wand a sad wave before hurrying over to collect a rod. It shot a few goodbye sparks at his robes which he hastened to extinguish. Remus, Sirius, and then James followed. 

            Peter met them where the rods stood. He'd picked his rod – a short round one. Remus wondered vaguely if it was like picking a wand – did the rod choose the fisherman? And how on earth could you tell if a rod was good or not? He looked along the row of them. There were only three left! The other two realised this at the same time and leapt forward. 

"That one's mine!" Sirius grabbed a long red one. He grinned as Remus and James fought over the last decent rod. 

"James! Let go!"

"You let go!"

"Never! You can see the state that other rod's in!"

"Exactly."

"Sheep!" Remus pointed wildly to a spot behind James.

"Where?" James turned and Remus snatched the rod away quickly.

"Ha ha!"

"You filthy-" He broke off and sighed. That was what being a Marauder was all about, he knew, but he preferred it when the dirty jokes weren't being played on him. It was a bit embarrassing that he'd fallen for the oldest one in the book, however. He reached down and picked up the last rod, glaring at it.

The handle was made of peeling cork. The rod itself was just taller than him, it had a rusty broken reel and the hook was blunt. He glowered at Remus, whose rod was a light green and a good bit taller than him. He picked up his own and hit it against the ground angrily. The end snapped off and bounced, hitting him square on the nose. He gave a grunt of pain, his eyes watered. He gave the end a sly kick, it rolled slowly. He felt very stupid. What was the point in kicking something when for miles around there was nothing but grass? He watched it roll a rulers length away then stop. He got a nasty sensation the stick was mocking him. 

He looked up in time to see the other pupils trudging away towards the sea.

Sirius frowned. "They're taking the long way!"

"What do you mean?" Peter asked.

"I mean, we could always just climb down the cliff right? By the time they get there, we'll have a mountain of fish! The Slytherin's will be so mad…"

"Yeah, imagine how angry they'll be to see they didn't come up with the idea of breaking their necks! Those poor things!" James spat bitterly. 

"Shut up James. Are you going to pick up the end of your rod?" Sirius asked sweetly. James walked over to the offending piece of rod, and threw it at Sirius's head. It missed and rolled slowly to a halt again. For whatever reason, this annoyed him a lot. He seethed with rage at his arch-enemy, the stick. He'd get it, he'd feed it to the tent. That'd show it.

Remus grinned. "I actually think it's a good idea. Let's go see how steep the cliffs are first though, James does have a point." They walked to the edge of the cliffs. The sea roared below. 

"They're not _that steep." _

"Sirius, imagine what would happen to you if you slipped in sheep sh-"

"What would a sheep be doing on a cliff?"

"Well, shi-"

"-Sirius-"

"-ing obviously." Sirius finished. 

Remus opened his mouth but Peter interrupted. "So, are we going to climb down?" He said worriedly. 

"I don't know guys." Remus looked at the cliff. "If we had our wands you know I wouldn't hesitate-"

"Yes you would."

"Maybe I would, but after some consideration-"

"You'd still refuse."

"Alright! But after I'd been persuaded-"

"You'd try to worm your way out of it."

"OK! After you'd forced me?"

"That's more like it."

"I'd go down." He finished exasperatedly. "But without wands, it's a little dangerous."

"Lupin, think of what we do every full moon and you're telling me _this is dangerous?" Sirius stood with his hands on his hips._

"Well, yeah…" He trailed off. "Alright. But I hope you realise that if we die, I get to haunt Snape."

"Baggsey me Malfoy! Ha!" Sirius added quickly. 

"I get his family then." James muttered. 

"And what does that leave me?" Peter asked angrily.

"You'd be useless at haunting anyway, ratbag."

"I resent that!"

            And so they began their dangerous trek down. Peter actually went first, he seemed to be desperate to get it over and done with. Or maybe he wanted to get first choice of haunting if he died. Who knows? The others got the feeling he didn't want to be left behind, but he protested when they voiced this.

"I just don't want any of _you guys getting hurt! I care about you all!" The others shrugged mentally, but the going was slow with Peter in front. He would stop and cling to the wall every time a breeze blew, which was most of the time. _

"At this rate the Slytherin's will have fished out the whole ocean."

"James, you know that's not fair." Remus's fingers were about to fall off from the cold he was sure, but he felt he should stick up for is friend. He played the trump card. "You'd be the same if it was a spider." 

"I'm not scared of spiders!" 

"Oh yeah, well how come at the Halloween feast you-"

"Point taken. Never mention that again."

            They reached the bottom. It had taken a while, but, they noted with satisfaction that the rest of the class weren't there yet. 

            The beach was large and rocky – there was no sand in sight. It was made up of huge rocks, not shingle, but massive things, like horizontal cliffs. They were in all sorts of different shapes and sizes – huge looming ones that overhang over the sea. It was only then that they noticed the sea. 

            They'd heard the roars of it, but imagined it was just the noise the sea made. It was wild. Waves crashed angrily against the rocks, drew back and then engulfed them again. The tide was coming in. 

"Wow." Peter breathed in awe.

"I think we should go up to that overhang. It looks good." James suggested. 

            They walked up to the top of the overhang, and peered out over it. The sea leapt up at them like a wild animal. They crawled back slightly. 

"Right. Who knows how to fish?" Sirius asked briskly. James stared back blankly, Remus twiddled his thumbs. Peter spoke.

"Well, I know the _theory…"_

"Which is?" 

_CRASH . The wave smacked into the rock. They were splashed a little, but very glad they'd crawled back from the edge. _

"You need to put bait on the end of the hook, see." Peter started.

The other three stared at him. 

"See the hook?" He asked patiently.

The three wizards looked up and down there rods, and located the hook. 

"The hooky thing?"

"Yes, Sirius, surprisingly enough."

"Bait?" Remus frowned. "What do you use for bait?" 

"Er…well, usually worms, maggots…" 

"We don't have any."

"Crustaceans! I remember this from muggle studies. Little fish with shells on, you skewer them on the end." Sirius said eagerly. "But they attach themselves really hard onto the rock. To detach them, you need a knife." He looked slyly sideways at Remus.

"Is that true Peter?" Peter nodded affirmatively, if very reluctantly. Remus put his hand inside his pocket and drew out Sirius's confiscated knife. He looked at it properly for the first time. It was long with a carved wooden handle, surprisingly of a very good quality and well made.

"Where'd you get this Sirius?" Remus asked curiously.

"My Mum lent it to me. It's very special to her – been in the family for years."

"And you let me take it?"

"I figured I'd get it back."

"Oh." Remus handed it uneasily back to Sirius's outstretched hand. There weren't many sheep on beaches anyway, he decided. 

James spoke up. "I don't see any bate."

"Bait."

"That's what I said. Bate."

"What does it look like?"

"Well, generally it wears bowler hats."

"Really?"

"No."

"What's a bowler hat?"

Peter sighed. "Whatever! It'll be attached to the rock, near the water." 

"What, a bowler hat?"

"Yes James. There's a great market for bowler hats in Scotland. They breed them on rock faces, didn't you know?"

James looked confused. 

"It's a joke, James."

He nodded wisely. That was a thing they all did a lot, it was one of their unspoken rules. It usually worked very well. If you didn't know something, just nod with a sort of wise expression on your face. Most people lapped it up like soup. 

They scanned the beach briefly for crustaceans. 

"Down there." Peter pointed. To their right was a large rock with a channel within it, with water gushing in, then drawing back, with each wave.  They watched as a really large wave hit filled it with water. On one side of the channel clung a couple of limpets. 

Remus slapped Sirius on the back. "Off you go! May your family heirloom come in useful."

"You're coming with me Remus. All of you are." 

"Oh no we're-" Remus suddenly noticed the _length of the knife that Sirius was twirling idly between his fingers._

"We'll come quietly." 

Sirius grinned. 

************************

Sirius grunted and tried to scrape off a limpet again. He had his legs one side of the channel, and was trying scrape off a limpet on the other side. 

"Damn!" Another one was knocked off and fell into the water below him.

"James, you're a seeker, you're supposed to be able to CATCH!"

"I'm not used to seeking right above the sea, with a rather dangerous idiot wielding a knife inches above my head!" Sirius started to protest but Remus made a loud announcement from his lookout position on top of the rock.

"Ooh! I _think this could be a big wave…looks pretty big…" _

Sirius leapt back out of the way, as a little gentle wave came floating in. He glowered at Remus's back. 

"Can't we have another lookout?" He hissed to James. 

"Peter?"

"Good point." He stuck the knife under another limpet, and flicked it upwards. He was getting the hang of this. 

"Now _this one's just a small one." Lupin said breezily. He was good at this. Maybe he'd get a job as a guard. He'd get __paid for doing this, and keep people safe. What a career… _

"Yeah…small…coming closer…maybe it's not that small…" He watched the endless sea of rolling waves come closer, dreamily. 

Sirius hit James over the head as another limpet slipped through his fingers. 

"Whoops." 

Sirius flicked another limpet.

"Whoops." James watched another limpet fall with a plop into the water.

"What is it with you? That's the tenth 'whoops' so far! "

"They're icky."

"_What?" _

"All slimy. I don't want touch them." James replied, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Grab them by the shell!" Sirius said, exasperated. He'd been flicking limpets off rocks for the past ten minutes, and _now he told him they were icky. _

Remus looked at the 'small' wave which was now hurtling towards them at speed.

"ah…not small…could be pretty big, actually..." He said nervously, raising his voice a little.

"What if it latches onto me?" James argued to Sirius.

"_Very big actually…" Lupin continued._

Remus's eyes grew wide as the monster wave sped towards them. 

"Big wave, Sirius." He whispered. There was an almighty crash as the wave smashed into Remus's lookout rock. He covered his head with his arms and was splashed a little. He laughed as the wave drew back.

"That was close, wasn't it guys?" He laughed, turning around. 

"Mnphf!" There came an angry noise. It came from James. He had-

"A hook!" Sirius gasped between mad giggles. "A hook, up your nose!"

"Ge-gis-ging-gouga-guy-gose!"

The reaction to this plea was a roar of laughter.

"Gif-gou-gon't-girius-gi'll-ge-gou-gater.." James threatened. 

Another roar of laughter. James sat helplessly in pain as his two best friends rolled with mirth at his suffering. He briefly contemplated that maybe this wasn't right, but dismissed the thought. Every now and again one of them would look up and attempt to help him, but they would soon end up giggling again.

"Gease?" He asked pleadingly. 

"Alright," Sirius said trying his hardest not to smile, and failing, "OK then, 'Games'." Lupin rolled over laughing. 

            Sirius crawled closer to his friend, who by now was quite distressed. He noted that there were countless numbers of limpets attached to his friends arm, and hesitated. 

"Ghat-gis-git?"

"Er…" He sent an eyebrow signal to Lupin. Lupin raised his eyebrows and looked at James's arm. He nodded. 

"Nothing James. Hold still now." Remus shoved Sirius out the way. "I'll get it out."

"How-gI'd-gike-goo-gnow?"

"Well…"

"Goo-gon't-gnow-goo-goo?"

"Er…no…but I'll give it my best shot." He said earnestly. James looked very worried. Remus was eager, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Besides, did he really want a werewolf digging a hook out of his nose? He scolded himself for thinking this – they'd learnt long ago that being a werewolf didn't change the human state at all. Remus Lupin was a calm boy with a friendly nature.

Still, the way his eyes were gleaming at him like that… James edged away.

Sirius slipped silently to James's arm, and slipped out his knife. Unfortunately, James spotted him. 

"GHAT GARE GOO GOOING?"

"Nothing, James, shush, quiet…"

"GIRIUS! GHAT'S GHE GNIFE GOR?"

"Er…" 

James made a mental note to start running very fast whenever one of his friends answered a question with 'er' and a flustered look. He then erased that and decided to start running if they said 'er' at all. He saw Sirius glance down at his arm, then followed his eyes. And paled.

"Gargh!- Ghey're- gucking- guy -glood!"  

"No they're not, don't be silly." 

"Gow- goo- goo- gnow?" 

"Because its _bowler hats that do that." Sirius joked. _

He frantically pulled at the limpets attached to his arm, but they were fixed firmly. 

James's face was white, and he looked worried. Sirius actually felt a little sympathetic. 

"I'll get them off for you-" He started.

"Goo-get-gagay-grom-gee-gith-gat-ghing!"

Sirius looked mildly offended. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm your best friend."

James shook his head and edged away. "Grue, gut gou're got going ganywhere gear guy garm gith ga gnife." He looked uncomfortable. Well, a little bit more uncomfortable than he had done when he had _just the hook lodged up his nose. "Guy gaw ghe gay goo gavaged ghe limpets…"_

"They were hard to get off!"

James gave him a look. Sirius guessed he could see the sense in this, and pocketed the knife. James visibly relaxed a little. The hook was still up his nose though, so this didn't make much difference. 

"I'll bite them off then." 

James stiffened. 

Thank you to all my reviewers! Now I'm just extremely nervous that the rest of it won't be as funny. I'll have to be v. careful. I have a pretty warped sense of humor!  

Lily Potter: Damn double damn damn damn! You're right! Damn! *hits head off table* I'd forgotten. See, I'm Scottish myself but I go camping to achiltie buie… we'll just say they traveled further West. Really far West. I dunno where Hogwarts is situated, but it won't be on the west coast. They'd get eaten alive by midgies. Thankyou for pointing that out! *continues hitting head off table*

Jeneva: Thanks! I wasn't sure if I could swear or not on a PG-13. I think I can, but I also think it makes it funnier if I don't!

Anrion: Glad you like it! I never liked slash much. It only works on certain stories and yours are nice without.  


	4. Chapter Four: Of crabs

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: None of it is mine, mateys. Ar. And all that.  

The sun shone down on four boys, alone on a large rock, fishing. Well, the sun _would have shone down, if there was such thing as sun in Scotland. In actual fact, the sky was grey, and it was raining lightly. It had been, for quite some time. Anyone walking past would have said they seemed to be peaceful and content, enjoying the bounties of nature. Though why anyone would be walking past the middle of nowhere I can't guess. No-one could be more wrong. They were simply bored. And cold. And wet. But anyway. It rained. _

Sirius looked up worriedly from his daydream. "Guys, the rest of the class still aren't here yet. What do you think could have happened to them?"

James looked up gloomily from staring at his reflection. "Do you think I'm getting a spot?" 

"Er…" Sirius stared at his friend. "I'd say that you'd been out in the sun too long…" He looked up at the sky. "But, as there appears to be no sun…have you been drinking the sea water?"

"No. Look, just between my eyes. On my chin."

"Er…on your chin, between your eyes?" He gave Remus a nervous glance, who returned it. 

"Yes." James said impatiently. "Can you see a spot?" He pawed his forehead nervously. "It's the salt-water, I'm sure…" 

"Ah-hah! So you did drink the water! And if it's between your eyes, on your chin, why are you pawing at your forehead?" 

"No, it's splashing up at me."

"You're forehead?"

"Shhh!" 

Remus had stuck out a hand suddenly, and had frozen in place. 

"Wha-" The hand slammed over Sirius's mouth.  

"Shh…" Remus hissed. He stared fixedly at the line. It twitched. Peter scrambled up beside them, drawing a camera from his bag. Sirius and James stared at the line, then both broke out into excited whoops. The line twitched some more.

"Bring it up! Reel it in! Get the net!"

"For you, or the fish?"

"Come on Remus!!!!"

"I am! I am!"

Peter scrambled with the camera. 

"I'll take a picture!"

"Yeah!" James said enthusiastically. "Really close up!" 

"Why?" 

"Then it'll look huge!"

"Your logic astounds me."

"Thanks old pal!"

"Not in a good way."

Remus struggled with the rod. "It won't come up…" He tugged, groaning. "It's stuck!" 

"Probably seaweed then."

"No…" Remus leaned back, then gave an almighty tug. The rod flew up in the air, with a strange creature dangling from the end. 

"What a weird fish." Sirius prodded the crab. The crab hung on tight. 

"It's a crab, Sirius. A crustacean." Peter said knowledgeably. 

This remark received an empty stare. 

"Never mind. Can we eat it Remus?" asked Peter, taking a picture as close as he could. Remus shook his head. 

"It's too small. We'll have to put it back." Saying so he gave the crab a flick, and with a gentle 'plop' the crab fell back into the water. 

            They sat for a while, watching the waves. It wasn't long before another tugging came on the end of a rod, this time for James. For excited yellings and idiotic gestures see before. Or try testing your imagination to the limits for mishaps. It'll probably be close. Yes, even the one involving the flamingo. 

"Hey…it's another crab!" 

"Stupid things. Maybe we're in a colander of them." 

The others stared at James in disbelief, who looked smug.

"Ha. Didn't think I knew that sort of thing, did you? Who's thick now, eh?"

"Colony."

"You what?"

"A colony of crabs."

"That's what I said!"

"No, you suggested they were in a device used for straining vegetables."

"Whatever." James turned back to his catch and flicked it off into the water, its limbs flailing slowly as it fell. 

"I think it was the same one."

            Needless to say, this was repeated three more times. The same crab each time On the fifth time…

"My lines tugging again." Sirius said gloomily. He raised the crab out of the water. "Are you sure we can't eat the little bugger?" 

"We could…"

"What? And you didn't say?!" 

"The idea of you trying to de-shell the poor things…it would break every single animal rights law."

"Good point. But we love animals." 

"Sheep?"

"They don't count."

Sirius gave the rod a little bounce, the crab on the end of it clicked its pincers furiously. 

"Leggo crab."

The crab clicked. Sirius scowled, and bounced the rod vigorously. 

"What's going on?" 

At this point, each Marauders insides turned to ice. Or a really cold kind of jelly. Frozen jelly. That's basically ice isn't it? Frozen jelly. It just hasn't got the same ring to it. 

"We've been looking for you for hours!" Professor McGonagall screeched, holding onto her hat. She clambered around a rock, the pupils trailing miserably behind. 

"Quick!!" Remus hissed. "Throw it back!"

"It won't let go!" Sirius shook the rod up and down. The crab hung on tight. Peter, James and Remus stood in the way of him, blocking Sirius from McGonagall's view. 

"Get off, get off, get off!" He hissed. He raised the rod behind him and threw it forward, launching the crab high into the air. A frozen-jelly hand gripped his shoulder, and he was spun round to face the Professor. She looked suspicious. 

"What are you doing?"

"Um. Fishing, miss."

"Where were you?"

 "Miss?" 

"You weren't with the rest of us!"

"Miss."

"Is that a yes miss, or a no miss?"

"Miss?"

Sirius's eyes grew wide as he watched the crab fall back towards the earth, heading straight for the professor.

"I'm going to die." 

"What?!" The crab hurtled down at lightning speed. There is a limit to a crabs patience. Unfortunately the limit is stretched too far when it is thrown into the air and lands on a persons rear. So, naturally, the crab vented its anger on the rear of the person it had landed on. Sirius heard a

"hmm…" McGonagall turned back around. "Come on now. Back to the camp. We've all caught fish for dinner. What about you?" 

Sirius, James and Peter's mouths dropped open. 

"We haven't-" Sirius began. 

"We've eaten-" Remus said hurriedly, glancing at the Slytherin's watching intently. "-already. Thanks." 

The others glared mutinously at their friend, as the rejoined the ranks and marched back to camp. 

**************

"We're going to eat now, boys." They looked longingly at the bucket of fish the professor was carrying. "You can go to bed." 

            They were too tired to argue. The four of them trudged miserably back to the tent. Or, where they left the tent. 

"It's gone." 

All that remained of their sorry mutant tent was the rope that they'd used to tether it to the ground. Chewed through. 

"Damn!" 

"Our tent ran away. Bet this happens to muggles all the time." 

"It doesn't usually happen to wizards either!" 

Peter rummaged around in the gloom. The sky was beginning to darken, the stars shone vaguely. 

"Our stuff's still here. Look-" he pointed. "Our back-packs. But McGonagall's still got our wands…"

"I'm not summoning any more sheep. I think we've created quite enough mutants for now."

"Fine, but we've got to look for our tent." Remus said sagely. "Now…if I were a walking sheep-tent where would I go?" 

"What do walking sheep-tents like?"

"Grass."

"None. Just moss here."

"What do sheep-tents like to do?"

"Shi-"

"Weird. Do you reckon they do?"

"All that grass has got to go somewhere." Sirius shrugged. 

"No, they make a great deal of noise." James added thoughtfully. 

The all pricked up their ears. Remus performed this quite literally, his slightly pointed ears twitched and moved back, straining for sound. The others tried to pretend this didn't bother them. 

"No…" He murmured after a while. "Nothing."

"Come on then." Peter heaved himself up and tossed them each a torch. 

"What the…?" Sirius pointed the bulb at his face and shook it. "What are these things?"

"It's a torch. Like saying Lumos. But to get the effect, flick the switch. But-"

"Argh! It blinds!" Sirius clutched at his eyes. The others pointed the torches to the ground and flicked them on while Sirius recovered. 

"I know. I have the answer!" Sirius cried out. 

"Really. Do tell." Remus muttered sarcastically. 

"What does everyone need? Ask the beetles!"

"He's truly cracked." James stared at him. "And he's supposed to be my best friend. How embarrassing." 

Peter made the sign of the cross.

"No," Remus grinned. "He means The Beatles."

"Yes! All you need is love, right?"

"You're suggesting our sheep-tent went to some sort of sheep brothel?"

Each paused for the mental image to reach their minds. 

"Shut up James. It's probably gone to see the others tents."

Remus frowned. "Or the other sheep." 

"Where first then?" Peter questioned. 

"The tents, they're nearest."

The four crept along slowly in the direction of the tents. The others were all lined up in rows, orderly and overshadowed in the moonlight, creating dark alleyways. 

"It's like some sort of horror movie."

"What kind of movies do you watch? Since when do sheep-tent… murderers hide… between…other… tents?" Remus sort of trailed off mid sentence, the humor blown away on the wind. The moon and the darkness took it's toll, like it does in each human being. 

You can be strolling along happily through a dark wood, but the moment a little thought sneaks up on you, containing a hint of murder or ambush, your mind goes haywire. You can try to ignore it but it spreads. It's like a disease.

"You… don't think it's dangerous do you?" Peter asked as casually as he could. Failing miserably as his teeth started to chatter. 

"It's a tent Peter!" Sirius started to joke, but doubt crept up on him. "I guess it probably has teeth…"

"Chewed through the rope."

"Probably in one bite."

"Probably got fangs."

"And the tent pegs…for claws…" 

The huddled closer. 

"Right. All together now." 

Taking a deep breath  they each took a step forward into the first row of tents. The shadows loomed over them, the moonlight (*not full moon. Duh. I'm not that dumb.*) broke over the tent faces reflecting an eerie atmosphere. A twig snapped somewhere up ahead. Their eyes picked up movement, and a soft rustling sound. 

"Uh…" 

Remus was suffering more. The others couldn't here McGonagall forcing the others to sit round a camp fire and sing 'The Hoodie Craw'. 

They rounded the corner of the first row. Nothing to be seen… James flicked on his torch. They gasped. Remus crept down.

"Yes. It has been here. The prints are fresh." Tent pegs had been stuck in the ground, and the holes led off to the right. They crept round the side of another tent, and leaned against it, hiding in the shadow. 

"Hey…"

"What?"

"The prints stop here…" 

The tent they were leaning on leapt up and started to run away. 

"After it!" 

The tent galloped through the rows, the marauders tore after it. 

"It can't run forever!"

"It's a tent for crying out loud! It probably can!"

The tent scanned the countryside desperately for somewhere to hide. It saw light coming from up ahead and started to make for it. 

"Oh no!" Sirius panted. "It's going for the camp fire!" 

"We're all going to die! We're all going to-" James shut up as Peter took the time and energy to hit him over the head with a torch. 

"Run faster!" Remus cried desperately. But it was too late. The tent leapt into the circle of light. The screams rebounded off the hillside. 

"If only we had our wands-" Remus panted. 

"We'd be dead by now!"

"Good point." They reached the middle of the affray. Pupils ran in all directions, the sheep tent sat in the middle and cowered. 

And then a very strange event took place. Sirius felt sorry for the tent. Something about it sitting there alone, when it had done no harm, it triggered some ancient vault within him containing sympathy. He ran towards it, banishing his plans for sitting light to it to destroy the evidence. He bent down and offered it his hand. 

"AAARGH! It BIT me!" Sirius yelped and flailed his arm madly around trying to dislodge the tent, knocking several pupils unconscious. 

If it was possible the ending of the world came once more for the marauders. McGonagall approached. 

"What bit you Mr Black?" She said in a dangerous voice. Sirius hesitated only for a second before grabbing James's head, who'd sat down to toast marshmallows. 

"James did!" 

"Fwofoah!" James protested, with a mouth full of gooey marshmallow fun. 

It may have gone OK if it wasn't for the tent. Well, actually it wouldn't have. In one route of time, the tent ran into the fire, went alight, set the whole of Scotland burning and killed thousands of sheep. There was much rejoicing. In that universe.

    In another dimension, Remus started singing 'Burn baby burn' as the tent went alight and was jailed in a young offenders institute. But enough of that. In the dimension we're looking at, the tent bowled the professor over and her hat set alight. Nothing serious. Yet. She put it out with a water spell and froze the sheep with a simple freezing charm. Her looks did just that to the Marauders insides, reducing them to frozen jelly once more. 

"So."

"So…" 

"Stop that Black."

"Miss?"

It takes a great deal of self control to be a teacher. 

"This is the reason for all the trouble!"

"Er…mi-"

"I'm warning you Black."

Remus piped up, casually sticking a marshmallow on a stick as he spoke. "Yes miss. It was an accident miss… a mishap." He placed the marshmallow in the fire. 

"It shall be exterminated!" 

"No!" Sirius cried out. The others looked surprised. 

"I thought you hated sheep?" Remus said curiously.

"Fwomphinloof." Added James.

"I…do…did…it's just…I've kinda…" The tent gave his arm a savage chew. He winced.

McGonagall interrupted. "It shall be destroyed. That is all there is to it."

"Fwonkest. Mwallophursteelope." 

"He says that it has the right to a fair trial. See pg. 1638 of 'Magical Beasts and the Law'."

"He said that?"

"No, miss, but I do." Remus looked determined. 

"Ghfoo gmoony!"

"He just said 'Go moony.'" 

"I am aware of that. But it does not class as a beast!"

"Ah, but it does!" Sirius scanned his brain quickly. This didn't take very long. "Page 325 of 'Transfiguration and the Law'." 

McGonagall's nostrils flared angrily. 

"Very well! A trial! To be held here! Tomorrow! I suggest you get your case in order, boys. I shall be the judge. This shall be a good lesson in…magical law. Yes."

"What about the-" Peter began. Just then two boys climbed out of the shrubbery.

"I wonder what they were doing in ther-" Sirius began grinning, but quailed at a look from the professor. 

"We'll be the opposition, professor. We heard everything." A cold voice sounded.

A blond, long-haired boy nodded as his greasy-haired companion spoke. The Marauders let out a hiss. 

"No! You ca-" 

Severus Snape and Lucious Malfoy leered at them. The professor sighed. 

"Enough. Bed. Now."

: Apoligies for the not very goodness of this chapter. It really isn't very good. It's working up to (I hope) a funny court scene. I hope I can get a lot of humor into the next chapter, so forgive me huh? 

PS: Go check out my best friends story! It's at: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1132808   sorry, this probably won't work, and extra sorries if I'm doing anything wrong… but it's so very funny! *sniggers* and a big thanks to all my reviewers. 


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